| What do I do when I’m overwhelmed, afraid, or confused? | Try one of these 7 science-backed ways to navigate the tough moments. |
A few years ago, I found myself working into the evening. All the other staff had gone home, except for one person. It was quiet, the way that an office gets when the sun goes down and the hum of the day recedes. Then it got really quiet: the kind of stillness that comes before someone asks a question, when their breath is held inside.
I don’t know if he stayed late to ask this question, or if it came spur of the moment, but it’s one that every person in nonprofit life asks at some point:
How do you do this?
By which, of course, we really mean:
How do I do this?
He was new to the world of policy and advocacy. The pushback against inherently good things was more fierce, more cynical than he’d expected. He hadn’t known that there would be so many losses. The lows gave rise to doubts.
I told him my truth — not eloquently, but honestly:
You have to want the things you want more than you fear the things you fear.
You want clean water more than you worry about saying the wrong thing; you want gender equity more than you feel intimidated by the amount of work to be done; you want opportunities for your community more than you fear rejection.
Nonprofit organizations often exist to confront bad, hard, scary stuff. You don’t make progress by pretending challenges don’t exist or only working on the easy stuff. You move forward by setting your sights on something more important than the obstacles in your way.
Some days will be tough, even when you are perfectly suited to your job and working in an organization you love for a cause that matters to you. Some challenges may seem impossible at first, some to-do lists never-ending.
You can’t hide from these moments, because this is when growth happens. These are the moments that make you better at what you do, milestones on the path to progress. It’s true for you and for your organization.
If you ever feel intimidated or afraid or anxious about the challenges you face, know that you are not alone. Then take a deep breath and try one of these tactics proven to make tough moments a little easier.
Why this works: Starting is often the hardest part of any task or project. There are a few different reasons for this, most of which have to do with the mental energy it takes to shift from the thing you’re doing to something different.
You might stall because you’re overwhelmed by options, afraid of the consequences of failing or succeeding, or stuck in a familiar routine; whatever the reason, just starting can bring relief.
When you switch gears, the new thing gets a tiny bit easier. You go from thinking mode to doing mode. Your attention shifts to the work in front of you, and you feel a greater sense of focus. The noise and distraction of everything else fades away.
Once you’re immersed in the new activity, the Zeigarnik Effect makes it easier to continue. Our brains keep incomplete tasks active in our memory; we rehash open tasks to keep them accessible. The more important the task, the more likely the Effect will take hold. All you have to do is begin, then you’ll naturally want to see an activity through.
Even if the work doesn’t feel easier, completing one small task can be a sign of progress. It can boost your confidence, clear your mind, and help you move past that moment when you felt stuck or frozen.
If worry or anxiety are holding you back, make a plan. Worry and anxiety are rooted in uncertainty and insecurity; you don’t know what’s going to happen next, and/or you aren’t sure you’ll be able to handle what arises. You can overcome this by making a simple plan (or list of plans, if you need lots of backup options).
A plan is just one sentence long and takes just a minute to formulate:
I intend to do Y if situation Z occurs.
Why this works: Plans (which researchers call implementation intentions) work because they transform uncertainty into clarity. Instead of worrying about what you might do in the future, your plan paints a clear picture of the steps you will take.
The process works for difficult situations, like setbacks, as well as the ordinary busyness of everyday life. For example, you might say, “If this donor says no, here is a list of three more donors I will call.” Or, you might say, “When my staff meeting ends at 11 a.m., I will walk to the coffee shop across the street and spend 30 minutes drafting the table of contents for next year’s strategic plan.”
The more complex or challenging your goal, the more likely an implementation plan is to help you achieve it.
In film and television, “zooming in” means focusing on the close-up features of a character, an object, or a location. When the hero’s face fills the screen, everything else melts away. Your attention is focused on one thing, and you feel a sense of connection and intimacy with the subject.
In work life, “zooming in” means focusing on one thing, ideally something that is within your power and control. It’s focusing on the power that you have or an action within your ability, even though you know there is a lot of other stuff going on around you.
Why this works: The ability to shift perspectives is associated with coping, resilience, and creativity. Being able to zoom in and focus on specific details means that you aren’t trapped in whatever thoughts, perspectives, or emotions you happen to feel in a given moment. You have choice, and that’s powerful in and of itself.
When you focus on something you can control, you choose to pay attention to activities and choices that help you achieve your goals. It doesn’t mean that you ignore the outside world; it just means you focus on what you can do right now, so you can keep moving forward.
This skill is especially important for people who are involved in social change or care work. You are confronted every day by forces you can’t control, like chronic illness or cultural trends. Finding power for yourself and for your community in the face of those forces is what social impact leadership is all about.
Zooming out is the opposite of zooming in. It’s what corporate people like to call the “30,000-foot view” and what filmmakers call “long shots”. Step back from a situation, and you’ll see the entire landscape around it; you’ll remember that the details you’d been focusing on are part of a much larger tapestry.
Why this works: When we focus too much on the details of the here and now, we forget that there is a bigger picture. We may forget why we are doing what we are doing, or that our work is in service of something greater than one or two challenging moments.
Zooming out can give you a chance to reconnect with the reasons you do what you do and your passion for your cause. It gives you a chance to remember why your work is meaningful, which helps with motivation and clarity.
Imagine it’s one year from now, or ten years from now, or fifty years into the future. When you look back on this moment, what will you wish you had done? Do that.
Why this works: If you feel overwhelmed by the number of different things you could be doing or afraid to take a risk, looking at your situation from the perspective of someone in the future can help bring clarity.
You can apply this thinking to a specific task, like asking “should I take this donor meeting today or use that time to update our communications strategy?”You can also apply this thinking to an entire project or event by conducting a pre-mortem.
Picturing yourself in a different moment is one example of psychological distance, which is the measure of how removed someone feels from something. This technique helps to pull you out of fleeting emotions and distractions to make wiser long-term choices.
Why this works: When you hold back because you are afraid, you teach yourself that you can’t do hard things. (Obviously, we aren’t talking about objectively dangerous or traumatic things here.)
When you avoid one challenge, every new challenge after that feels even harder. Your self-confidence erodes. On the other hand, rising to the occasion helps to extinguish your fear and build your confidence.
Courage researchers and superhero movie writers will tell you that courage is acting despite your fears; heroes aren’t heroic because they have no fear at all, but because they act anyway.
If it helps, you can practice thinking of those little butterflies in your stomach and sweaty palms as signs of excitement and anticipation. Reframing your experience is much more empowering than ignoring what’s happening.
If the task ahead seems daunting, spend a moment thinking about the people who are working towards similar goals, the people who helped you get to this point, or other signs of hope and support.
Why this works: Humans tend to pay more attention to negative information and threats than to positive information. This negativity bias is part of human nature; it keeps us alive in times of danger, but leads to pessimism if we aren’t careful.
You need to work a bit harder to notice and remember all of the good, positive, supportive elements that are also present in this moment.
You’re basically retraining your brain to notice resources, not just threats.(Some researchers suggest that the ratio is 3-5 positive things to balance every one negative thing; while the math may not hold up, the general idea is sound.)
Looking specifically for allies and helpers also builds on our nature as social creatures. Social networks make the burdens seem lighter and reduce stress, helping you tackle the challenge ahead.
Whichever tactics you choose to help you tackle a challenge or to stop procrastinating, you’re strengthening your ability to meet the moment. Whether you practice action, shifting perspectives, summoning courage, or motivating yourself, you are taking control over your time and attention. That’s powerful.
If this seems daunting, let me share one other lesson I learned after I became a manager: people who are excellent at their jobs feel overwhelmed at times.
When you’re distracted by a “negative” state like anxiety or fear overwhelm, look for the positive quality that triggers it.
You tend to feel overwhelmed when you can see all of the work that needs to be done. Likewise, people tend to worry about the impacts of your work only because they care about other people. Being able to see the big picture, feel empathy, practice humility, and be conscientiousness are all strengths, not weaknesses.
Now, summon up your courage. Pick an action, any action, and give it a try. You only need one or two minutes to shift your thinking; the impact of that one moment can be life-changing.
This article is the second of two adaptations of The Organizer #71. We weren’t happy with the original version, even though the points are so important. The introductory anecdote and the technology myths didn’t connect well, and the result doesn’t do either section justice. We separated the technology stuff to create The Organizer #105 and highlighted the personal growth stuff here. Compare these versions to the original if you want to a glimpse inside our process. — KT
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